a day in the life of a bowhead

growing up in the south, you often hear of the ‘fire and brimstone’ sunday lessons. the scenes from _footloose_ or _polyanna_ are not that far from the truth of some southern churches, especially those in the smaller burgs.

i can remember being at my grandparent’s house, either with my parents or for my own visit alone. we would travel the few miles down rocky, country roads to the little church center united methodist church. even though i wasnt a member, i was always up in the choir loft with my grandmother. my grandfather was usually at the piano playing. he couldnt read music, so everything was always in the same key and pretty much had the same accompaniment, but i remember his playing and yearn to hear it again. i have his piano now in my house. i can remember right after he died, my sisters had me sit down and play in his place while everyone else stood around and sang. those memories of being in my grandparent’s little country church really do give me a sense of nostalgia. but seriously, i am digressing…

the one thing i remember that was not so ‘awww’ about my grandparent’s church and the sundays spent there is the sermons. i vividly remember the pastor slamming on his pulpit, walking around with the bible held high, and yelling so loud my ears would hurt. in actuality, the pastor was a very nice man. its as if he felt he had to ‘put on a show’. i never really understood this. i never understood the need for such dramatics. 

i am very thankful that my god is a god of love. i am very thankful for redemption. i am very thankful for grace. i am learning to watch words. i am loved. i am love. i am worthy. i am grace-given. i am redeemed. my record will not be held against me. and in that knowledge, i can freely love. i can freely pass on grace, i can freely send out the loving karma to the whole world, even if i do not know them, even if i cannot understand them, even if i will never be forgiven or understood by them. i can do this because my god is love and my god loves me… and i love myself, dearly.